Imagine that your thoughts are racing so quickly that the only distraction you can think of is hurting yourself repeatedly until you are exhausted. Or, perhaps, imagine yourself in a situation where self-inflicted pain seems so natural that it becomes part of your routine. In either case, or any other, you'd feel lonely, scared and completely numb. You'd feel like there was no other way of getting through that moment.
Self-harm is often used as a coping strategy; a way of deal with overwhelming emotions (or perhaps a lack thereof.) Is it funny, imagining yourself or a loved one in a situation like this? Is it something that should be laughed at and joked about? If you're a decent human being, you'll recognise that it's not humorous in the slightest.
By contributing jokes or insensitive comments about this issue to a conversation, encouraging such behaviour, or even just condoning your peers to do so without speaking up, you are essentially laughing in the faces of people who suffer from self harming tendencies. And as we decent human beings recognised above, it is not funny. Joking that a situation makes you want to "slit your wrists", or saying that someone who self harms is "only doing it for attention" is wrong. In fact, by saying such things you could be triggering a sufferer and they may find themselves in a difficult situation later. Or, perhaps, you may be driving a sufferer to feel even more ashamed of their coping strategy and thus making them much less likely to seek the help they need. Basically if you have nothing constructive or supportive to say about the matter, just keep your mouth shut. It's not worth it.
Let's get a few things straight. "Self Harm" refers to the practice of intentionally hurting oneself. It can be anything from picking at skin with fingernails to punching or kicking hard surfaces, from burning oneself to cutting deep through several layers of skin. In some cases self harm may prove fatal, for example if an artery is damaged and the person suffers severe blood loss. There's also a very high risk of infection developing in the resulting wounds. For most sufferers, it is a highly addictive and very unhealthy coping strategy; some use it as a last resort, others use it as a daily ritual. In ALL cases it is a serious problem that should not be ignored, and most importantly, sufferers should not be made to feel ashamed of their actions.
Just like with any addiction, it is possible to stop self harming. However, if we consider how difficult it is for a drug user or an alcoholic to stop their substance abuse, we can get an idea of how much support and guidance may be needed for this to happen. Let's look at a common addiction - smoking. Intentional, harmful, and in some cases, fatal. Yet if a friend, family member or colleague approached you explaining that they were struggling to give up cigarettes and needed a bit of extra help, would you tell them to speak in hushed tones about it? Would you tell them that they're weak, weird, or stupid? Make them feel ashamed for not being able to stop? I bet you wouldn't, and if you would then you're incredibly ignorant. I'm hoping that you'd instead understand that it is an addiction, and therefore it is no one's fault. I hope you'd offer your support or direct them towards gaining more information on quitting. So why is it that I've literally heard people say things such as "Why don't they just stop doing it?", "Why would people intentionally harm themselves?" and "I don't think you should speak so loudly about that, someone might hear you." to - or about - a person who self harms?
There is so much stigma surrounding the issue of self harm and it really, really needs to be erased. The only way we can make that happen is by speaking up: we need to confront those contributing to the stigma and educate them on the topic. That way, sufferers are much more likely to feel able to seek help and won't have to try and cope with it in silence for fear of being judged.
If you notice scars on someone's body, please do not ask them what they're from - especially if you don't know the person that well. Do not touch their scars without permission. Do not make jokes about them. Do not make any assumptions. Sufferers aren't really going to want to talk about their self harm to someone unless they're certain they can trust them to not be judgmental about it. If you're concerned about a friend and think they may be self harming, by all means let them know that you're there to support them but please don't pressure them to talk about it. They will talk about it to you only if and when they feel ready to.
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